Post B-day Angst..

Ok – so my birthday was yesterday and as if I even care ::shrug::
The funny thing was that my husband told everyone he knew that it was on January 7th.

But my son kindly corrected him and I played along for the most part.

Today however he stayed home from work. And since he wanted to help Danny with school in some bizarre fashion it was the Chapter of Proverbs of the Day -which is the only way my husband can figure out what to read… lessee today is the Thirteenth so when I came in from feeding this morning My husband had his back to the kid and was basically reading out loud to an empty living room while Danny sat at the table behind him and worked on something else.
..he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin-the soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied-the righteous hates falsehood, but the wicked brings shame and disgrace-righteousness guards him whose way is blameless,
but sin overthrows the wicked-one pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth-the ransom of a man’s life is his wealth, but a poor man hears …

I said what are you doing?

Bible study.

I told him….that is not bible study. you can’t run through proverbs verse after verse without stopping and discussing anything. Proverbs is nuggets of wisdom, to be digested slowly….Oh boy his feelings were hurt. But goodness…

I told him – The boy knows what he is reading I think he is in Exodus 22. Of course my mate loves to roll his eyes at me. So he proceeded to read Exodus 22 in the same rather break neck fashion, except pausing to introduce nuggets of discussion like : Imagine that! People paying for what they destroy! …Maybe we need to start making people pay double what they steal.

Of course all was well until he came to Vs. 28 because cursing the leader is a way popular hobby for my spouse. It may have been a pound of flesh but I pointed out the verse, he responded with a terse – yeah I got that. But I am not a Jew, so…

Deep breath 3…2….1….okay one more Deep breath…….3……2……1….

I      Am     Livid.

THIS is the problem – let’s change gears here for a moment and talk about marriage.

Let’s talk about two married couples that live in the same town, but are not well acquainted.

One will be Mr & Mrs Miller and one will be Mr & Mrs Smith. When these folks married their spouses they made a promise to each other to love and care and cherish….each other; excluding all others.

Now if Mrs. Smith runs off with the paper boy – who is jealous? Her husband, right? the Millers do not care. If Mrs. Miller keeps her husband happy, who is blessed by that? The Smiths do not care…unless Mr. Smith starts seeing how good the Millers have it and wishing he had picked Mrs. Miller to be his wife instead. Now he is being covetousness – the difference is that jealousy is wanting what is rightfully yours and covetousness is wanting what is rightfully someone else’s.

Now the Almighty made an agreement much like the marriage contract between himself and all of Israel – he sent his friend Moses as a go between to work out the details and When the people who would be the bride heard the terms they said “we hear and we obey”

So the bride hears and obeys and the husband is there to love and protect and provide for his bride. So easy!

—– But when the bride walks out the door to say I don’t want your love anymore – she also loses the benefits. The idea of being precious to the Almighty while dismissing the “hear and obey” part and also being upset that other people who have nothing to do with this relationship are not doing the “hear and obey” thing…ugh.

My frustration is…overwhelming.


3 thoughts on “Post B-day Angst..

  1. cagey

    This is how so many people read the Bible. Running right through as you describe at breakneck speed, not comprehending a thing. I look at marriage contract clauses in the Bible as interesting ones. Yes if the bride walks out the door she loses the benefits, in the spiritual allegory terms this is terrible thing. But in real world application? You have to think about what actual benefits the man is giving you to begin with. If there is love, trust, respect, and benefits to begin with then the relationship can be repaired. If there’s not then…
    The Lord is a faithful loving husband to His bride, Israel. Not all men, however, are the same way to their wives (and vice versa).

    Can I be blunt? Surely it seems like he went through the motions with your son and doing his schoolwork for the day, for appearance sake only. On some tiny level he thought it would ‘please’ you, by showing up and being ‘involved’ (in his mind) for a day. As any dutiful wife does, you corrected his behaviour, which of course made him butthurt and that continued from there. Naturally he’s butthurt because on some weird level he feels he’s doing the thing you’d like him to be (even if it’s only for one day) that is being there and being involved in bible study/schooling/ect.. but when he makes a very sorry attempt at doing so (and for the wrong reasons it seems) you’ve told him he’s gone at it wrong. Faced at this prospect, he feels completely over his head at this point and exposed. He’s Adam and has no fig leaf. No no no, the rules do not apply to me he tells you (because he’s crabby now), and you’re upset because you wish he’d realize it does and that this is important. Only the Lord can change a hardened heart, and only if that person wants it to be. Otherwise it seems like you will always have frustration which makes you sound pretty miserable. The Lord doesn’t disrespect, make Himself available at random times for appearance sake, or trods upon His Bride. Human males, don’t get that memo it seems. *shrugs* Take this as you will I guess.

  2. gmaali Post author

    Ya know -just before I read your comment I was thinking about my ex…now my ex was pretty much an Ass. He was manipulative, thought he was demonically possessed (which seemed an awful convenient excuse for when he would lose his temper.which was often). He was a daily pot smoker a former speed addict and a pagan. He was controlling, couldn’t keep a job and stole from his employers. and selfish …However….

    He was an artist. He could sing with Passion. and Loud. Loved music. He was curious about other cultures and fascinated by nature. We talked about everything for a very long time. and for a while that was enough. When I started fearing for my life – it was Not enough anymore.
    When I met my husband I was impressed because he was kind and responsible and loved his kids and loved Jesus and the church. of course I didn’t know then what I know now. And some days I think he is awfully disappointed in who he ended up with for wife. My house is often a mess, I am always looking into something new. And we nearly never talk because he has a delusion of grandeur card permanently tapped. He has done everything, knows everyone, been everywhere and nothing is news to him. He is the most awesomest person he knows. I have told him several time the difference between the two of us is I wonder about things, I figure out a way, I don’t take set backs personally. I try to avoid being butt-hurt. I try to see things from the view of others. And honestly I LOVE different opinions because it gives me a chance to test what I think. And I love passion. I have found over the years that passion is something I am nearly always attracted to. People who are passionate about causes or ideas or projects.
    People who get “into” life itself – limited time offer! Act Now!
    I believe he hates differing opinions because he has no passion for his convictions. They can not stand in the face of criticism. And everything to him feels like a criticism.
    When I sat down yesterday during bible study and opened my bible – he quipped with “so you are here to pick this apart too?”
    Nope – I said – I just want to be a part of the study.
    He is always defensive that I am going to criticize him, or lecture him. I can’t tell you how many times he has asked me in the past few weeks ” Are you done lecturing me now?”
    So I am doomed to frustration for a while yet it seems.

  3. fiberaddict

    I had to go away and think about this for a bit…..I wonder if part of the problem is that your husband – as a life-long church-goer (even if it was only for appearances) – is comfortable with truth and is feeling lost when faced with Truth. And therefore, to cover up his feelings, he’s trying to convince you that Truth isn’t…important? I’m not sure how to say what I’m thinking here…

    SG was the same way at first – he was (and still is, sometimes!) intimidated by what the kids (and I) are learning, because HE didn’t get a solid education in Bible/Torah (or…anything, really. Schools in his district aren’t known for their scholars…and never really have been. Sports, y’all. THAT’S important! :snerk:) It’s gotten better, but we have a hard time doing school when he’s home – and he gets butthurt when I ask him to either GO AWAY or sit down and shut up (nicer than that, of course! I don’t disrespect him in front of the kids, but I don’t let him disrespect them, either.)

    It’s taken almost 2 years, but he’s finally able to sit and listen and *learn* alongside us. He’s finally at a point that he feels comfortable asking questions about the weekly Shabbat lesson – which is a HUGE thing, and we didn’t get here easily. He won’t read anything, though…which is a different problem.

    I’m not trying to make excuses for him – being snarky and disrespecting you in front of Danny is all kinds of wrong! – but maybe this gives you a point to start from? (Of course, take this all with a grain of salt! I don’t know him, I’m just guessing at what the underlying problem may be. It might just be that he figures he has “truth” and doesn’t WANT Truth, so he’s trying to belittle you to make himself feel better about that decision.)

    And happy late birthday!


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