two weeks till meltdown

My sister is rolling out to Montana on the 12th.

I have been a basket case.

bursting into tears at random times, sensitive touchy…it is awful.

When she is around I try to stay in a good mood – we went to the fair – We ALWAYS go to the fair and ride the tilt-a whirl…and the octopus and this year they were not there. So it was kind of a bummer. We still had fun…but it was just different.

In many ways it feels like grieving, I feel like I am in the bargaining phase moving quickly to depression. Many times I step back into anger, but I try not to stay there. I know many people think – big whoop, people move, so what?

My mom left when we were entering our teens and we have been the only solid ground for each other – we have the boys also but brothers are not close the way sisters are – yes I am a sister but I am also a guardian, an encourager, a nurturer – and it is terrifying to have my baby sister run out into the big world with a stranger. hard to explain how protective I am of her without sounding like a crazy person. I wanted to be a crazy old lady with my sister ever since I was 6 years old. I always hoped we would share a home and help raise each other kids. And when we were done with kids we could foster animals. *sigh*
Just going to be a tough week for me…

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