junk

yeah I know I have been away – I have been going through a lot of stuff – crap. junk. Just been mostly depressed. don’t feel like writing – hell many days I don’t feel like eating and once in a while I don’t even feel like getting out of bed.

This morning I told my son the story of Melissa Ballestero. Melissa was a girl I went to school with. I had a few friends – but Melissa was super cool – spoke spanish, lived in a cool house and had a huge family and she lived two blocks away. When we were seven years old. We became friends. I went to her house twice a week and we worked on homework together and played games. For months I went over there and we hung out. But we didn’t hang out at school too much. Then one day she looked me in the eye and said I am not your friend.
I don’t want you to come play anymore

I didn’t understand.
We were little kids.

But then she told me the truth.
I just invited you over because you are smart and can help me with homework. I was using you and I don’t even like you.

I remember being so broken hearted over that incident.
Funny how things stick with you.
The sad part is I still wanted to be friends with her.
But she made it clear she wasn’t interested.

Why bring this up now? Because sometimes old story lines are revisited and I am still a person that likes helping people, even when it is clear they are not my friends. Even when it is obvious they are using me.
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