Why Ali doesn’t respond to prayer requests…

From my FB page – notes section on Sunday.

This has come up a few times recently, so here is a funny story about Ali when she was little girl.

When I was growing up, my dad and I butted heads quite often. I was a sassy little girl. I had a decent vocabulary, so I often said what I wanted to. One day when I was about three, I noticed the bird feeder outside the window was empty. I thought crackers would be a decent substitute so I sat on the floor next to the end table in front of the window with a sleeve of saltine crackers. Every three year old knows saltines are too big for sparrows to eat! So I smashed them on the table one after the other. Took one out, smashed in with my chubby lil fist, scootched to over to make room for the next one. I was about halfway done with the sleeve of crackers before I sensed my endeavor would soon be interrupted. I was single minded in my focus, my eyes and hands keeping busy when I heard my dad ask me “What do you think you are doing?”

My response?





I didn’t even look up from what I was doing. I remember how my thinking worked through this particular problem. I had a mission, and my parents saw a mess. I figured if I could only finish up the sleeve of crackers before I was removed form the situation, I could show them the purpose…that never happened. I am pretty sure I got smacked for sassing my dad. Although I like to think he was a tiny bit proud of me because of my determination. I can’t even remember what happened after that.

Over the following years I happened to be the child who, for better or worse,asked about stuff, read stuff, questioned stuff, and listened when others talked. I would hang out around the adults and absent mindedly playing with some quiet toy and I would be listening. Didn’t you ever read Ma Ingalls tell Pa – Little pitchers have big ears? Just another way of saying be careful what you say around them because you will be filling their head with something, good or bad. I believe many adults don’t realize that and many children don’t bother listening to grown up talk much anymore.

My dad – Papa John – is really great. When we were young kids my siblings never wanted to ask our dad for anything, they were always afraid to ask. Maybe the answer would be no! Maybe he would get mad about the question! Maybe there would be a condition on his agreement!! The horror!
Meh – I just asked – if it was a yes okay if it was a no okay too. He is dad. He knows what he is doing.

I could usually get a yes out of him. How was that possible? Because I paid attention to his answers, I saw how he thought about things. I lined my thinking up with his. I didn’t ask for the crazy and stupid. I asked for what I knew he would like to say yes to. Not always, sometimes I got stubborn and rebelled against him, and guess what? I found out when I was grown he was usually right.

I would often make requests on behalf of my siblings growing up. But I never asked my dad about what my friends could do. That is just silly. Sometimes we would have friends that would hang out a long time around our house and become a part of the family, they could ask for favors and were often granted. But the relationship needed to come first.
If I ask for something of my dad on behalf on a friend and it turns out badly, my judgment loses a bit of credibility – see how that goes?

I very rarely ask for favors on behalf of another.

Now here is the part that didn’t make it to FB. I DO pray for others. I pray all day if I can. I am constantly chatting it up with Abba. But they are my spiritual siblings and I love them fiercely. But when I see prayer requests…blech. no thank you.


Learning Stuff

Rivka – (she does scarf tutorials on http://wrapunzel.com) is hosting a hebrew class – how to read hebrew, write block and cursive, letter meanings pronunciation, etc. It is a lot of fun and very informative – last nights class was recorded and is online for FREE!!

We got through Dalet – class is Sundays 9 pm EST – 10:30 – online and recorded.


Chasing around some Breslev links the other day trying to grasp some phrases and concepts they are sharing. And an odd thing occurred to me. I get the idea that the Breslevs reject Yeshua as Messiah. And I can see their point – however I must say that when we consider that for Yah one day is 1,000 years and in fact that the Creator of the universe lives outside of time and space and constraints of the human understanding. I wish for one moment they would consider the idea that no single person on the face of the earth – has done more to spread the ideas embodied in the Torah (no matter how badly misinterpreted they have become by the current churches) than Yeshua. I am not sure how many Jewish people give thanks to Hashem for Yeshua – but they should!


My husband and dad got into a conversation the other day about Tolerance – and how The Almighty does not have tolerance for sin…so we shouldn’t tolerate sin either! Rah Rah get dem sinners!
Good point guys – I completely agree you should not tolerate any sin. It’s so gross. Stop even worrying about what other people do with their lives – the only sin that should completely disgust you is the sin in your own life. We are not called to tolerate sin, we are called to act with justice, mercy and humility.

We can’t conquer any foreign lands until we can rightfully rule our own.


Gotta get to the goats – discuss freely – comments are open.

All Gone All Done

Not sure who may or may not be wondering how things are here. Today was surprisingly damp. The thunder just landed on our house and the clouds rung out – we got at least an inch of rain in 20 minutes over five acres and every drop was soaked up.

My best friend is out of her house – moved down the hill to who knows where – she didn’t say – which is…odd considering how she watched me go through hell when my sister did the same thing last year at this time. So I am depressed over that. Also my friend Kathleen is moving this week – which is not so bad, she had been planning on moving for a long time. She mad e an appointment with the Veterinarian to come over on Tuesday and put her nine year old buck down- poor thing – she was in tears. and I thought well, my sister’s 80# dog is sitting here abandoned in a 10 x 10 pen in a thick black fur coat, we are expecting super high temps and thunderstorms (that drive him crazy) He is deaf, only has three teeth. I thought about it some more – the dog loves the car but HATES the vets…I could drive him over to my friends house have him put down, share in her suffering and Vader wouldn’t be neglected any more…of course my sister now has no reason to return…but she wasn’t going to anyhow.
I send her a note telling her what happened, no response.

Back to being lonely.

All the baby goats have been born now. The last two were girls. Now I just need to start selling them.
Hard days ahead. That’s all.

who I am not

I know not everyone is on FB And honestly there are days when I wish I wasn’t either – bunch of dang internet stalkers there – and I don’t need it – not right now. True – it is the only way I know my sister is alive and a few people post things that are interesting – but so much crap. and comparing and lies and half truths – and just to sift through the fifty tons of crap to see how one little event turned out – not worth it – I think I turned off every notification on that site. ::blech::

I may have mentioned this before – but I am not a good “worshipper” type person. I don’t get overwhelmed in emotion – I don’t appreciate my feelings being manipulated for some kind of spiritual experience. And to be quite honest it makes me nervous to be around people that are so quick to switch gears from normal type regular person to Super holy fluttery singing crying person. It quite honestly freaks me out.

People tell me that I need to let the spirit move me – ummm why?
I don’t like to have people touch me.
I don’t like to have people being overwhelmed around me.
yelling crying.
Because it makes me look like an ass. Mostly.

I just don’t function like that.

A friend invited us to a messianic fellowship a couple of weeks ago. these folks here: https://youtu.be/gL_exS8fjWk

Meh – the teacher…I don’t have anything against him – he may be quite smart and all – I just didn’t have much of a connection with him. There were a few people there that I really enjoyed talking to though, we came in late – everyone was disappointed that we missed worship time with the flags and dancing and all – nope not me – I am ok to be missing that. It’s like walking in on your brother and his girlfriend kissing – awkward. I will sit for the teaching. Ok ok ok. It was like national lampoons at the grand canyon – wow. that’s something – ok time to go!!

then I had to visit the little girls room and when I came back everyone was holding hands and praying together and I was quite alright with missing out on that too – because I don’t like touching people or to have them touch me right – remember? my poor husband was mumbling through the hebrew portion. And then nice to meet ya see ya around.

But now that shavuot is on the horizon…all about being spirit filled and I just really feel…lame-o. I don’t want to go anywhere because everyone will be all spirit enhanced and I will be looking at them with one eyebrow raised and spoiling all the fun.

bad stuff

Hey guys here is the deal – I am pretty sure in the not so distant future – bad things will be headed our way.
Today I am going over my supplies and checking what I have and don’t have on hand.
It has come to my attention that I likely won’t be getting surgery because…reasons.
I have one more stinking goat to have babies and then I need to sell a bunch. 3-4 gallons per day is too much milk for me to use, and why feed them for nothing…quick note – I am hoping to get better internet in a couple of weeks won’t that be nice?

I wish I could write more – so many things happen and it is hard to tell if any of it is important because the days slip together. My kid got a job – one day per week but that is nice.
My dad’s goat had four babies on May 4th but one was DOA and we lost two others (runts) – so he has one baby that is a strong healthy girl!
I need to write more – I miss our conversations. 😦

Just because I don’t write…

Doesn’t mean I am not thinking…

A lot.

I have many many people who are pretty upset that I am “out of fellowship” – I however am not too upset about it.  I’d rather be lonely-ish , than angry and fighting all the time. When I submit to the authority of another person to lead me, in regular “fellowship” it seems to be all about fighting. All about being right, better and making sure the whole world knows how right and better they are, and all that does is insure that I am trying to swallow back the vomit all day because I can’t stand it.

This week I was meditating on Deuteronomy 28-30 Especially Deuteronomy 29:19.
Go ahead and look it up – I can wait.

The very next chapter- chapter 30- talks about how when you wake up in a foreign land and realize your life has been a lie and you need to change your direction – and you indeed start heading that way and learning what you’ve been missing – you still have a chance. It is Not Too hard!
Deu 28:41 says ““You shall beget sons and daughters, but they shall not be yours; for they shall go into captivity.” And I immediately thought – yeah – we call that debt – and we try to encourage everyone to have it before they even get started in life with a college degree >_<

I mentioned this to a friend of mine yesterday and she told me straight up  – well that is not me! I asked her how she figures that? She told me she was only in debt to Jesus – No worries – Oh really?!? (swallow some more vomit) – how can you say that? Every time to pay tax, every time you buy crap from companies that promote evil, there is no end to it folks. Every time you refuse to be obedient you are testing the tender mercies of Yah. But finding people who accept that…not so easy.

Personal stuff

But I thought I would let you all know what I have been up to. this week my BFF’s daughter is hanging out with us, because my friend is at a retreat in the mountains.
she is serving at the pastors retreat.
Last week her daughter was complaining of headaches and vision issues and it was determined that she has (for an unknown reason) developed pressure on the optical nerve in her left eye and she has lost a good deal of her vision. There is a decent chance if they can figure out the problem her vision will come back – however for now she can not see out of her left eye and her mom is busy catering to pastors at the retreat.
My friend is also losing her home – no payment has been made for over a year – maybe 18 months – because the “lawrd” told her that she needed to stay home and be with her children. But then her boy got mixed in the the wrong crowd and drugs and it was stupid and crazy and he left to live with her sister and it was awful. Her husband can’t keep a job.
So she is losing the house.

I asked her what she plans on doing when she has no where to live – her answer {face palm} move closer to church. Church is in Costa Mesa. 80 miles away. Her daughter has choir practice tonight – from 7:30- 9:30 – PM…let that sink in for a minute – she is supposed to be at choir practice – and then if there is no traffic after a 90 minute drive home – that means she will get to bed on a school night around 11 pm – maybe…more like midnight.

Her husband wants his sister to buy a house so they can all live there. I asked my friends daughter about it and she doesn’t like the idea – she is 12 years old plenty old enough to have an opinion. but today she informed me that her mom and her don’t really get to have an opinion – it is what ever the husband wants – even though he has not contributed anything but stress and debt into their lives. It is…..ridiculously sad.

Then I had a brilliant idea – my sisters ex boyfriend lives down the hill and I am going to go visit him. he is off drugs, employed, married and happy. and I think it would do my heart good for a visit. And we will go to the beach – my son, my friends daughter, my sister’s ex-boyfriend and his wife and we will cast our cares upon the water. I am certain it will lighten my heart. Selah..Selah.