Due for rain

one and a half inches according to the Wunderground report – I am whupped beat from cleaning goat pens – we can have rain – but not on nasty goat pens. I am missing decent conversation . and there is a person on FB that actually asked me not to reply to any posts she makes on groups we have in common- Wha? FB is such a time sink anyhow. I am ready to trim back half my friends to acquaintances. I just get a news feed full of the exact same stupid stuff.

And my husband has 18 days off in December – which I know would make some ladies swoon with delight, but sounds exhausting to me. must be the hormones – bring on the chocolate.

Oochies and Ahhs

Last week I did something funny to my lungs, it wasn’t like I was sick – I just couldn’t take a deep breath and if I laid down to rest I shot straight back up from the pain. It only lasted a couple of days in that very serious manner – then eased off a bit. I was supposed to go get a lung CT scan. But they will be out of the office until October 6th so…we will see.

My husband didn’t have the best week either – he pulled his back pretty bad a week and a half ago and he has allergies which is super bad right now – you would think that in the desert there would be nothing growing to bother him…but we have tons of ragweed growing all around – so he is pretty miserable. So the past week he was sleeping in my recliner (why do we call it mine? I never sit there…) so that he wouldn’t drown and could actually get up and I was just trying to keep breathing. It was not a fun week.

I moved the Roku into the bed room so I could at least watch internet TV. Roku is a little box you plug into the TV that gives the TV WiFi reception – there are tons of free channels – but also Netflix and You Tube – they have 444 Religious channels see? http://www.roku.com/channels/#!browse/religion-and-spirituality/by-popular

And under normal circumstances I bristle at the thought of listening to someone else teach – it just seems like SO Much Extra Work to wade through someone else’s BS to find a few things that seem to make sense. And yes, I know how arrogant that sounds, and I don’t like it. But with no discernment you end up with crap like this – this is a decent review of all things I hate about this recent movie – True he uses some adult language – but I can’t see how a person can review the movie without getting at least a bit upset.

 

Seriously you don’t have to watch it, but if you do I am sure you will hate it as much as I do. Having said that, I must admit I have come across some pretty good video teachings lately – personally I would rather just read. But if I have a video thing there is always the chance  other family members will watch over my shoulder. These folks are actually local (kind of) to us and they broadcast their teachings – http://www.shilohmessianic.com/
At first I was put off, not interested, but I listened to the guy talk for a while and he is actually pretty solid on his teachings. The intro video they have on the website is very awkward to watch, but they have the torah portion every week and they teach for nearly two hours three times a week.  Then there was this other guy on the Messianic channel – I don’t even know who he is – but I was pretty glad to hear his teaching too – very interesting and quite solid.scootch forward to the :30 second mark to avoid the hokie intro.

A lot of stuff he talks about we already know – but to have it on so other members of my family can stumble upon it I think, is not a bad idea.

Protected: A sad conclusion…

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In my Town

We have horses that ate some hay and became photosensitive – and then all the pink skin/white fur on their bodies exposed to the sun dried up, and now it is all peeling off.

affected horse – ouch!

It is quite awful. And has taken up a bit of my time, I started compiling an anonymous list of affected animals and people have been sending me a lot of questions I don’t know the answers to. They put me in committees I didn’t apply for – and then kicked me out – Folks, I don’t have a horse.By the way the big animals Vet school out here on the west coast seems to think this is not a real big deal.

 

They blame the weather – so in case you were wondering – here is a map of California. And it shows what percentage of land is affected by a level of drought

Here is a pictogram for you on that topic in case you wondered what the difference is between a Severe drought (100% of California BTW) and an Exceptional drought (58% of my state) –

Severe Drought -Crop or pasture losses likely;  water shortages common; water restrictions imposed

Extreme Drought- Major crop/pasture losses;  widespread water shortages or restrictions

Exceptional Drought- Exceptional and widespread crop/pasture losses; shortages of water in reservoirs, streams, and wells creating water emergencies

We did get a day of rain which was nice, but a day of rain will not end a drought – and yes in the desert we are used to being careful with water – however When 100% of your state is in Extreme Drought – it is scary…I know that people like to joke that California is the land of fruit and nuts but honestly we do grow a lot of food…From the CFDA website “California’s agricultural abundance includes more than 400 commodities. The state produces nearly half of US-grown fruits, nuts and vegetables. Across the nation, US consumers regularly purchase several crops produced solely in California.”
And when we have no water…it is not gonna be pretty folks.
Many people believe the condition with the horses is due to the drought – crops produce more toxins when they are stressed out. Thankfully it doesn’t affect goats – but this problem affecting horses has been reported throughout Southern California…and it is not likely to get better soon.

 

I’ve been hiding.

My initial sorrow turned to anger pretty quick. I only cried for about 6 hours. after that I got mad real quick. I have pretty much stayed angry since then.

And honestly I feel like the less said about that right now the better, because I am  so livid. I might regret my choice in words.

This weekend for Father’s day we had some good stuff going on – we got a Roku2 for My husband – the Roku is the thing you plug into the TV so you can watch internet TV, Netflix, Youtube stuff through your wi-fi.

AHHHH I love the stupid thing!  I can watch all the TED talks, I can watch the crochet channel, I can watch my eriktology videos. My husband can watch Godzilla vs. Mothra and UFC.

win win

Before now he was watching internet movies through his phone – with ear buds in – which made him completely useless.  He would come home from work – survey the house – complain about some stuff and then park it in his chair look for stuff on TV – if there was nothing good he would look at the phone for movies and then plug in and tune out the world. I hate regular TV so it gives us a chance to watch something together.

It sure is frustrating to imagine how he is seeing things – I am busy working around the house, around the goats, making dinner – what ever – folding laundry all kinds of stuff. I get to bed between 11 and 2 am. – meanwhile he came home from work – took a nap, ate dinner, watched a movie where some kick ass hero rescues the girl and they are madly in love – thinks of himself in the hero role. Then he heads for bed thinking romantic thoughts and after three hours I am exhausted enough to head to bed also – however I am actually tired and usually irritated often sore. I am not interested in romance…at all I am interested in a couple of advil and 4 hours of sleep. I feel like such a jerk – but romance is not my 11th hour specialty. Ugh.

I was hoping if we had more down time in the evening TOGETHER – it might be nice. so I need to work on that.

Goat sales are not what they used to be – everyone is giving animals away and no one can afford to feed them. Even the nice show quality animals are being sold for a song. Lame oh.

 

catch up time

Goats – have not sold them yet – still working on it. the older goats went to retirement home. I only have 20 more to sell.

Milking – getting about 4 gallons a day – much of which is going back into the baby goats – however I am donating my older milk goat to a farm that is full of lambs – they need the milk in a bad way, I promised them this girl and her spring kids last year – but coordinating her move has been tricky.Maybe I can get a lamb?

House – is a wreck – oh how I need to clean, But I am always exhausted so…meh.

Family – my sis is moving to Montana – not happy about it , but she is – and she found a $10.50/hour job cleaning hospital rooms so – what can I say? Stepson called from TX…when did he get to Texas? I have no idea – he was complaining that his mom wouldn’t send him money to eat?? I have no words (or sympathy) for that. Sis in law has a cyst on her pituitary gland and that is kinda serious but not malignant,  gives her debilitating headaches and is not very treatable. Sounds not super fun – huh?

Studies have fallen by the way side as I am exhausted every single day – need to work on that.

Garden is going well – trees are busting out with fruit, green house is full of green stuff grapes, olive and pomegranates are everywhere.

Critters – dog keeps breaking his toes on the fence…he is grounded for a while till he heals up some.

 

 

Tired of screwing around…

Yup. That about sums it up.

It is not easier for me to be in a box.

It is not easier for me to go with the flow.

It is sure not easy for me to just agree to any ole thing.

Are you an Expert? .. I ‘m a frayed knot..

Because once I started questioning things, one thing, a couple of things…Then I had to question everything. Everything that I have come across so far. I find it very likely that tomorrow will be spent finding more things to question.

That is what I do – and if you think it is easy or fun – no. Not usually.

But I do have a talent and that is that I refuse to fall to my death. I will hold onto the creaky rope long enough to find the stronger one. I will stand on the rickety ladder until I can be sure that the next one is stronger. And if you try to destroy the rickety ladder I am on or pick at the frayed rope I am holding – you better have something that I am convinced is stronger to hold me up while I figure out my next move. This is a perilous journey.

I try very hard to make it a point to not pick at other peoples  ‘fraid nots.. because if they are not ready to grab something else – and there is not something that will support them – I will be responsible for harming them.

I could be responsible for destroying them.

Edited to add:

This was not originally what I wanted to write about. This week has been crazy – I have been sick – super sick, PMS struck in a fierce way, my husband is dejected, My kid has also been sick and I was getting pretty excited because I was actually invited to a local Seder! When does that happen? And then the day before we were going to decide if we could go or not (because we are so sniffly and bleary eyes) the lady who was going to host the Seder (in our town – no kidding!) had a stroke.
a stroke…
Of course they later found it wasn’t serious and the lady should make a complete recovery. But it just goes to show you can’t do a thing until your own house is in order.
Yesterday morning I delighted my husband by cleaning out ONE drawer!! woo-hoo! Then that evening I felt good enough to clean out the fridge – then the cupboard – then the freezer! I felt pretty good – but still…cleaning junk out of the house. It is cleaning junk out of our hearts and minds that is the big deal.
When I was thinking yesterday about Yeshua warning his disciples (and us) of the leavening of the religious elite. That are so puffed up about themselves that no one can stand them. Thinking so highly of yourself that you have to look down on everyone else…is basically akin to being a bully.  If you believe I am talking about you – I highly doubt that – unless you are the one that is always snapping at my dog to shut up or my kid to quit scratching or responding to every deep query with “I know, just because I said so”
However telling people that you live with these things can be a challenge. I will look on the bright side though and mention that my husband *did* help me with shopping yesterday. And in picking out the kinds of meals that had no bread – so small favors…but all though it might be selfish – I can’t help but be disappointed. So this week… I am thinking of a leaven hunt at every meal. Not quite sure how to work that out…but the title of this post was mostly aimed at that goal – I am tired of screwing around. I am tired of fighting alone. I am tired of dragging my supposed leader around in his UFC, mud-tire, NFL induced coma. and then dealing with his short snappy insecure answers over Every Freaking Issue…
I NEED a partner on this planet – NOT an adversary. Not someone out there – the someone that is right here that should be stepping up, but is instead lashing out.

So although I am not only physically sick with the flu, but I am heart sick – because I DO NOT like forcing people to choose. I do not like MAKING people grow up. I am not even sure how to go about it. I am no ta confrontationalist by nature. I am a live and let live kinda person – but this is not letting me live. This is not letting my son live. This is not letting my love live.

I am not a warrior type – I am an encourager but  this  hill of my faith, the foothills of the Holy Mountain of my Messiah, this is indeed one I am willing to do battle on – one I am willing to die on.

The question is how….

I am so grateful for the few glimpses into my Messiah’s heart – I know where I stand. But this week promises to be a rough one for me.
So If I have hurt anyone’s feelings in my Pre – Sickness, PMS, frustrated ragings – I am truly and deeply sorry. But I am also truly and deeply hurt and angry.

Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

Post B-day Angst..

Ok – so my birthday was yesterday and as if I even care ::shrug::
The funny thing was that my husband told everyone he knew that it was on January 7th.

But my son kindly corrected him and I played along for the most part.

Today however he stayed home from work. And since he wanted to help Danny with school in some bizarre fashion it was the Chapter of Proverbs of the Day -which is the only way my husband can figure out what to read… lessee today is the Thirteenth so when I came in from feeding this morning My husband had his back to the kid and was basically reading out loud to an empty living room while Danny sat at the table behind him and worked on something else.
..he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin-the soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied-the righteous hates falsehood, but the wicked brings shame and disgrace-righteousness guards him whose way is blameless,
but sin overthrows the wicked-one pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth-the ransom of a man’s life is his wealth, but a poor man hears …

I said what are you doing?

Bible study.

I told him….that is not bible study. you can’t run through proverbs verse after verse without stopping and discussing anything. Proverbs is nuggets of wisdom, to be digested slowly….Oh boy his feelings were hurt. But goodness…

I told him – The boy knows what he is reading I think he is in Exodus 22. Of course my mate loves to roll his eyes at me. So he proceeded to read Exodus 22 in the same rather break neck fashion, except pausing to introduce nuggets of discussion like : Imagine that! People paying for what they destroy! …Maybe we need to start making people pay double what they steal.

Of course all was well until he came to Vs. 28 because cursing the leader is a way popular hobby for my spouse. It may have been a pound of flesh but I pointed out the verse, he responded with a terse – yeah I got that. But I am not a Jew, so…

Deep breath 3…2….1….okay one more Deep breath…….3……2……1….

I      Am     Livid.

THIS is the problem – let’s change gears here for a moment and talk about marriage.

Let’s talk about two married couples that live in the same town, but are not well acquainted.

One will be Mr & Mrs Miller and one will be Mr & Mrs Smith. When these folks married their spouses they made a promise to each other to love and care and cherish….each other; excluding all others.

Now if Mrs. Smith runs off with the paper boy – who is jealous? Her husband, right? the Millers do not care. If Mrs. Miller keeps her husband happy, who is blessed by that? The Smiths do not care…unless Mr. Smith starts seeing how good the Millers have it and wishing he had picked Mrs. Miller to be his wife instead. Now he is being covetousness – the difference is that jealousy is wanting what is rightfully yours and covetousness is wanting what is rightfully someone else’s.

Now the Almighty made an agreement much like the marriage contract between himself and all of Israel – he sent his friend Moses as a go between to work out the details and When the people who would be the bride heard the terms they said “we hear and we obey”

So the bride hears and obeys and the husband is there to love and protect and provide for his bride. So easy!

—– But when the bride walks out the door to say I don’t want your love anymore – she also loses the benefits. The idea of being precious to the Almighty while dismissing the “hear and obey” part and also being upset that other people who have nothing to do with this relationship are not doing the “hear and obey” thing…ugh.

My frustration is…overwhelming.

Re-Boot

The cruddy thing is there is so much to say to my two or three occasional adoring fans out there in cyber-land. The hideous thing – is my organizational skills…

I guess I am just a crappy writer. Oh I love to read, and learn and talk and teach…

But when I come back to share my adventures I think..novella or snippets?

There is the greenhouse for my dad – that looks fabulous! Everyone worked together on it.

My dad helped also – it has been a theme that every year the guys get along for a while and work on something together – very nice! Well that is not exactly true – the truth is they have both been working very hard to find common ground and if I am thankful for anything it is that! We had a few grumpy days, but my dad has been good about realizing what are his triggers – not getting enough sleep, arthritis in his neck acting up, digestion not going so good. I am proud of him for that. When he needs a break because he is losing his temper – he will come back and say I think I am grouchy because I only slept for 2 hours last night. He wants to grow an orange tree inside the green house. I would LOVE that.

Just got our dog spayed – only $220 – ouch. But if it means she will be more interested in killing coyotes than inviting them over for date nights – it will be well worth it.

I just finished the letter Noon in my eriktology videos. wow.

Honest truth – the amount of stuff I agree with this guy on almost makes me nervous. But after longing desperately for something that really makes sense… finally!

My hope is to get a review of a letter per week in my eriktology tab.

Only bad part is – since this is hanging things on pegs I already have – it makes a lot of sense to me. My husband doesn’t have those pegs – when I was working at figuring – he was watching Fox News and MMA…so I am walking a bit alone. I am hoping My husband gets interested enough to look into it from time to time.

I have my very first batch of mexican chicken and rice in the oven – so I need to peek at it. But look for the letter reviews soon!

 

 

shaking horizon?

Last night I had a dream that Danny and I were looking at something – I don’t know if it was a forcast – or some kind of chart that indicated we would have 5 earthquakes in a row. Similar in size. seperate in nature, not preshocks or aftershocks. Not Super destructive either. Maybe 5’s or 6’s?  About an hour apart. So if it starts getting creaky on the west coat. Well there ya go.

Of course dreams can be funny.

I know you have missed me – I am in a state of dread – so possible the earthquakes are a personal thing for me.

My husband has SEVENTEEN days off of work starting Thursday afternoon. I know that seems like a lot of fun to some people but for me it is enough to induce a panic attack. I have so much to do in short order.